A while back I posted a video called The Worst Attitude in Tennis, a deep dive into tennis ego and mental toughness that I did not expect would hit so close to home for so many people.
One person in particular reached out with a long email. He admitted something that most players never have the courage to say out loud. He recognized that his ego, his arrogance, and his condescending attitude toward opponents was doing real damage. Not just to his results, but to his relationships at the club and to his own enjoyment of the game.
We ended up having a long conversation about it, and I want to share what came out of that conversation because I know he is not alone.
Here is the pattern I see all the time. A player loses to someone whose technique looks rough. Instead of accepting the result, they reach for an excuse.
They say things like I play so much better against better players or I just do not know what to do against that style. Sound familiar?
What that really means is this. We have been trained by tennis culture to judge ability almost entirely through the lens of technique.
If someone has a prettier swing, we assume they are the better player.
So when somebody with a weird spin or a defensive pushing game beats us, our brain cannot reconcile it. And rather than being honest with ourselves, we dismiss the opponent instead of learning from the loss.
The truth is that tennis is far wider and deeper than technique alone.
Tactics, fitness, mental toughness, pattern recognition, the ability to make you uncomfortable and win ugly. These are all completely legitimate skills. They just do not look as impressive on video.
What struck me most about this conversation was the self-awareness it took to even start it. Most players never get there. They keep blaming the opponent, keep making excuses, and keep wondering why their game has plateaued.
The moment you stop protecting your ego and start getting curious about WHY you lost is the moment real growth becomes possible.
That is not a soft or feel-good idea. It is actually the fastest path to improvement.
I am not going to pretend I have this all figured out either. I still get frustrated on the court. I still feel the pull of competitiveness in every match I play.
But after years of working through this I can reset much faster than I used to. Instead of spiraling into frustration for an entire match, I can feel the emotion, acknowledge it, and get back to playing my game within a few points.
That ability to reset is a skill. And like every other skill in tennis, it can be developed.
If any of this resonates with you, do not wait for the perfect moment to address it. Start by just noticing when the excuses show up.
Notice when you feel the urge to dismiss an opponent instead of respecting what they just did to beat you.
That awareness alone is the first step.
And trust me, it is not as hard as you think once you get started.
Your Coach,
-Ian
